


The Razor Takes Away the Pain

by hurluberlu



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cutting, Episode: s01e01 Pilot, Flashback, John is a bad father, M/M, Poor Sam, Rape, Smut, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 13:15:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4181178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hurluberlu/pseuds/hurluberlu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Dad hasn't been home in a few days Sam. I need your help."</p><p>"That's nothing new."</p><p>"Let me rephrase that. Dad's on a 'hunting trip' and hasn't been home in a few days."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Razor Takes Away the Pain

"Your brother's in the next bed. Be quiet."

Sam nodded softly, looking up at his father through glossy eyes. His eyes closed tightly, causing the tears to fall down his cheeks.

John placed a hand on his son's cheek, barely attempting to console Sam before he quickly removed it. Placing his now tear-stained palm on Sam's bare thigh, he gripped it tightly.

Sam let his nails dig into the mattress, biting his lip to fight the pain down below. His head gently hit the headboard with each thrust upward, accompanied by his father's soft grunts.

John continued to drive his penis into his son, tensing with each thrust. Grabbing Sam's penis with his hand, he pumped quickly.

Sam shivered with the feeling of his father's rough palm on him. He opened his eyes slowly as he felt the warm liquid enter his system before John pulled out of him.

John continued to pump roughly before Sam came into his hand.

Catching his breath, John looked into Sam's eyes before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"Go clean yourself up Sam. We have a hunt tomorrow."

Sam nodded wordlessly, passing Dean on the way to the bathroom, who was sleeping soundly on his bed. As Sam shut the door and turned on the hot water for the shower, he opened the cabinet and pulled out a folded washcloth. He placed the washcloth on the floor, unfolding it and pulling out the razor that he knew was there. Leaving the cloth on the floor, he sat down in the tub with his back against the tiled wall.

While Dean slept soundly and John dressed in the other room, Sam ran the blade against his wrists, creating new cuts and opening old ones.

 

Sam woke up in his bed, tears forming in his eyes. He looked next to him in his bed, seeing Jessie's blonde hair. He smiled to himself, wiping his eyes and reclosing them, trying to forget the memories that plagued his dreams since he left for college.

His eyes flew open as he heard a crash somewhere in his apartment. Sam stood from his bed, slowly walking into the hallway. As he passed an open window, he saw a silhouette pass through one of his doorways.

Sam quickly walked into his kitchen, following the person. Standing directly behind the intruder, he brought a hand up to attack him.

The intruder turned around, throwing Sam down onto the floor, bending down with his hands on Sam's chest. A beam of light entered the window, crossing the man's face.

"Dean?"

Dean smirked, pulling his brother off of the floor. 

"Nice to see you too."

"You can't just barge into my apartment!"

Sam stood up, walking back into his bedroom, where Jessie was standing in the doorframe.

"Is everything okay Sam?"

Sam ignored her, sitting down on the bed while Dean followed. 

"Who is this?"

Dean flashed a brilliant smile and extended a hand. "Dean, Dean Winchester."

Sam slapped his hand down. "Hands off."

"Oh come on, I'm just being a gentleman."

Jessie looked down at Sam and placed her hands on her hip. "Dean? That's your brother? Why is he here?"

Sam shook his head and laid down on the bed. "I have no idea."

Dean took a step towards the bed, face covered in shadows as he stepped out of the light of the window.

"Dad hasn't been home in a few days Sam. I need your help."

Sam sighed and looked towards the door, where Jessie was still standing.

"That's nothing new."

"Let me rephrase that. Dad's on a 'hunting trip' and hasn't been home in a few days."

Sam sat up on the bed. "Jessie, could you give us a moment to talk?"

She nodded and walked to the kitchen, turning on the coffee brewer.

Sam stood from the bed and joined his brother in the shadows.

"Dad's missing. Why do you think I would care?"

"He's our dad Sam. I don't know why you left, but you have to come back and help me find him."

"I don't have to do anything. And he never told you? Never told you what he did to me?"

Dean shook his head and laughed to himself, taking a step backwards as he ran his hand through his hair.

"He didn't do anything to us."

Sam stepped forward, only a inch between his and his brother's chest.

"No, I didn't say he did anything to _us_. I said what he did to _me_. He wouldn't dare hurt you. You're his perfect child. I'm just the one who robbed him of his wife."

"Well that's because that's what you are Sam. If you weren't born, my mom would still be alive. But John didn't do shit to you-"

Sam extended his arms into the light from the window. "What are these then? Just decoration?"

"You did those to yourself."

" _Because of him_. While you slept in the bed next to me, he would get up from the couch in every motel on every 'hunting trip'..." Sam took a breath, getting choked up as he fought the urge to cry. "And he would put his hand on my cheek, and tell me to be quiet or you would hear. And he pulled down my pajama bottoms. And he would pull down his. And he would rape me. Every single fucking night. Always telling me 'be quiet or Dean will hear, be quiet or your brother will hear'. Because you're the only one he cared about."

Dean was silent, so Sam continued.

"And after it was over, he would kiss my forehead and tell me to clean up. I walked into the bathroom, took the razor I always carried around with me and cut myself. Up and down my arms. But you never noticed. And when _he_ finally did, he would hit me. While you were out and we were left alone in the motel, he would slap me, and kick me. Only in places that could easily be covered up. And he raped me more. And I cut more, and he beat me more."

"You were just a depressed teenager with a wild imagination. John couldn't do that to you. I would know. You just need to be mad at someone. And instead of being mad at yourself, you're mad at him."

Sam laughed, matching Dean's incredulous laugh before. He blinked a few times, clearing his eyes of the teary blindness. 

"You were the perfect child Dean. You listened to him blindly. Never asked questions. Followed every order. You're a perfect clone of him. That's why it never happened to you. How can you stand in my apartment, in my bedroom and tell me that every night of my fucking childhood never happened?"

As Sam went on, he neared the wall. Without realizing it, he had brought his fist to his side and with his last sentence he brought it forcefully against his bedroom wall.

Jessie ran into the room, further running over to Sam as she saw his fist in the wall.

"Sam!"

Sam waved her away, shaking his hand and watching as the blood dripped onto the floor.

"Jessie, go back into the kitchen."

She nodded and ran back into the kitchen, sitting down against the oven as she listened to the conversation happening in her bedroom.

"Sam. I came here to get you to help me. Not to fight. We need to find Dad."

"You aren't getting it. He's no father to me-"

"He was the best father he could be under the circumstances-"

"Do you remember the case right before I left for Stanford?"

Dean nodded. 

"When you walked into the motel room right after it happened? You saw the tears on my face. You _saw_ the blood on the bedsheets. And you saw him, reading a magazine in the bed next to me. He fucking beat me, at 22 years old, and had you walked in minutes earlier you could have stopped it. You can't say that blood didn't exist Dean. You knew it was there. And you ignored it."

"He told me you cut yourself on one of your knifes. Why would I have thought differently?"

"Because you could have been a good brother. I'm not going to help you find him Dean. Accept that and leave."

"Bitch."

Dean left the room, walking down the stairs, out of the apartment building and down to his Impala. He revved the engine, pulling away before Jessie joined Sam in the bedroom.

Sam sat down on the bed, Jessie's arms around his waist. She kissed everywhere a tear fell, while Sam tried to not remember.


End file.
